Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I suck at swimming

Despite growing up with two sets of grandparents that each had a pool (one above ground, one in ground) that both lived within a mile of my house, and despite the fact that I swam every day of every summer up through high school, I am not a great swimmer.

I mean I can swim. I can swim under water the length of a long pool. I can tread water forever. I play a mean game of Marco Polo. I know how to make a whirlpool. I can find pennies and/or golf balls at the bottom of any pool without looking when my brother throws them in. I know how to fill a wiffle ball bat up with water and shoot it across the bottom of the pool. I can catch a big ball while sliding off of the end of sliding board at top speed. Don't even get me started on my back dive. Ask me to choreograph a synchronized swimming/dance routine in the pool with my cousins Sara and Tara and I'm there.

But as far as swimming laps of freestyle stroke back and forth in an adult pool, I suck. I sink. I feel like I can't breath. I want to wear a snorkle, some floaties, and one of those dorky nose clips. I am out of breath after one length of the pool.

But since swimming is the only way for me to get some decent cardio in right now, and since I've been talked into doing a triathlon next spring, and since I don't think it would be acceptable to show up at the adult lap swim, do a pencil dive into the deep end and ask the lady that I'm sharing a lane with if she wants to do "Butt Bumpers" with me, I have to learn how to really swim like an adult. Ugh.


Notorious T said...

I spent virtually every summer day at a pool while I was growing up. I hung around so much that when I as 17, the manager finally threw me into her advanced lifesaving class and then gave me a job. But no one ever taught me Butt Bumpers or how to do the wiffle bat trick. Dammit.

Heather Macomber said...

You should swim with Maura! She's a great swimmer who would probably whip you right into shape. Let me know if you need her number.

Julie said...

T -

If you ignore my run on sentences I will teach you Butt Bumpers.

angie said...


Sara said...

Aah, the whirlpool. Not sure how we always convinced everyone to get in and participate in that. Or watch the dance routines for that matter. Doesn't everyone know what butt bumpers is??